To Suffer In Silence
by Yulliah
Summary: Seth is very careful to not let his best friend Jasper know he is in love with him. The very sexy and very straight boy doesn't even know he's gay. But does Seth know everything about Jasper? AH-Slash-o/s


**Written for the SWW picture Prompt**

Number of prompt: **8**

Pen name: **Yulliah**

Word count: **7946**

Pairing: **Seth and Jasper**

Summery of story: **Seth is very careful to not let his best friend Jasper know he is in love with him. The very sexy and very straight boy doesn't even know he's gay. But does Seth know everything about Jasper?**

* * *

><p><strong><span>AN: **

**Thank you very very much harrytwifan for the beta and showing The Cullens the true meaning of speed!**

**KGQ like always you keep me sane (well, you drive me insane, but in a good way...) and help me stay motivated!**

* * *

><p><strong>Monday<strong>

"Hey,Seth! Wait up!" he called after me and I groaned. Couldn't I at least have my first cup of coffee before seeing him? I sucked in a deep breath and turned around to face him. As always, his appearance shocked me to my core. He was wearing tight faded jeans over his signature cowboy boots. The top buttons of his blue shirt were opened and the brown leather jacket he was wearing just screamed sex. I swallowed hard.

"Morning, Jazz! Had fun this weekend?" I actually had no interest in his Saturday night conquests, so I hoped he'd just answer "no" and be done with it.

"Man, you won't believe it! Sex, drugs and rock 'n roll! Without the drugs, that shit is _dangerous_!" He slapped me on my back and grinned at me widely. I couldn't stand to look at his plump red lips revealing those shiny whites. I was really not ready to look at the sexy dimples on his cheeks. Not before I had my first cup of liquid gold. Though I really couldn't help myself.

I stared blankly at him while he was telling me all about the 'crazy party' he attended. Of course _all_ parties Jasper went to were crazy. My best friend, sexiest man on campus, wanted by most the girls, wet dream of many men and the guy I've been in love with for the last 5 years. How did I ever get myself in this position?

"So, what's up with you, Seth? Did ya wake up on the wrong side of the bed again?" He chuckled. I shook my head lightly and turned to make my way to the coffee shop. I really needed that shot of caffeine - and fast!

"Haven't had my coffee yet!" I growled. Jasper's chuckles turned into laughter and I groaned. "Really Jazz, give me a couple of minutes."

"Oh, don't mind me, just forget I'm here! I know better than to bug you before your morning coffee!" He threw his arm over my shoulder and ruffled my hair with his free hand. _Forget he's here and pressed up against me, riiiiiiiiiiight! _

At the counter, the barista smiled at Jasper and winked, which really bugged me. I cleared my throat and ordered a double espresso. She fixed my coffee and took my payment without looking at me. When she was done, she leaned over the counter towards Jasper. "Is there anything I can get _you_, sweetness?" Uch!

Jasper smiled back at her. "No thanks, I'm fine!"

We turned around to get a table and I swear I could hear her mutter; "You sure are babe!" Double uch!

We sat down and I gazed out the window while I sipped my coffee. _I'm such a fucking masochist. I just had to be his friend._ I let out a deep sigh and stared into my cup.

It all started 5 years ago, in our hometown of Forks. We weren't in school together as he went to the local high school and I went to school on the reservation. But when I was sixteen, I started working at a diner in town to save up for college.

The diner was a highly popular establishment with the kids from town. Jasper and his group of friends visited every day after school. When I first saw him, I spontaneously dropped the plates I was holding. His friends laughed and he looked into my eyes with a friendly smile. I rushed to the kitchen, not planning to come out before they left. I was out of luck, as Cora followed me and told me to take their order while she cleaned up my mess.

With shaking hands, I stood at their table. His friends teased me about my inability to do my job. He just smiled apologetically, ashamed of his friends' behavior. Looking back, I think I fell in love with him at that exact moment.

Don't get me wrong; I didn't actually speak to him then, nor would I speak to him in the following 2 years of my employment. I served his food and smiled at him, while treasuring his return smile as if I needed it to exist. I stared at him from behind the counter, hoping he would get up and talk to me. He didn't. Not in the diner, not in Forks.

Three years ago I finally went to college. With my savings and student loans, I made my way to Washington State University. I shared a dorm with a guy that clearly wasn't happy with me. He ignored me half the time and grunted at me the other half. I didn't mind, I kept to myself.

The first day of orientation I felt hopelessly lost in the crowd. There were about 500 students crammed into a lecture hall and I didn't recognize a single face. I found a seat at the back and closed my eyes for a second. Someone set down next to me, but I didn't look up, I just took a sip from my cup.

"Hey, aren't you that guy from the diner in Forks?"

I shot up and spilled coffee all over my jeans. That voice, _his_ voice had me startled.

"Oh god, let me help you!" He took his handkerchief and started rubbing the coffee off my jeans. _Not helping! _"I thought I'd be here alone, but I'm so glad to have seen your face in this crowd!"

My heart fluttered for a few seconds; he was happy to see _my _face! However, the continuous rubbing had not left me unaffected and I was getting hard.

"Yes, I think it's dry!" I almost screamed while bashing his hand away. Feeling myself starting to blush. I took my bag on my lap and hid my face in it, pretending to search for the right book. Jasper just kept making conversation.

"So I don't think I've ever introduced myself. I'm Jasper, Jasper Hale!" He held out his hand. I just gazed at it; I might have even been gawking. He ran his fingers through his dark locks and raised an eyebrow. I stumbled out my name and took his hand. The touch of his soft palm against mine almost had me spontaneously cum-bust inside my jeans. I couldn't do anything other than pull away my arm and again hide my blushing face.

He took my books from me and flipped through them. "This doesn't look all that complicated, which is good, that way we'll have more time to have fun."

"W-we?" I stuttered.

"Well, I hope so. I mean, I don't know anyone else here and I was kinda hoping you would be my friend."

I would have been anything he wanted to be, honest. And friendship I could certainly do. Boy, was I wrong about that!

Life as Jasper's friend was like a little heaven and hell all wound up into one. I couldn't wait until I would see him, but every time I saw him my heart broke a little more. We'd hit the gym together, hang out watching movies, go out on the weekends, and sometimes we even studied.

When his roommate left the university during second year and he needed a new one, he asked me. I would've loved to say yes, but that level of masochism was too high even for me. He was disappointed, that much was clear, but he didn't ask my reasons. Not that I could have given him any without telling him what I felt for him.

Instead, I responded to an ad in the university paper and moved in with a stranger. The boy, Edward, was a bit on the geeky side. He spent hours playing World of Warcraft with his online friends. Other than him shouting; "Evade the Dark Glare, evade the Dark Glare! Oh crap, wipe it guys!" any odd part of the day, he didn't bother me much.

Over the last 2 years I had gradually started to pull away from Jasper. I didn't join him in his extravagant nights out on the town any longer. I got away with that, because I really didn't have the money to flunk a year. But mostly I couldn't stand seeing him dancing and kissing with his flavor of the week.

Besides that, I avoided anything that involved his half or fully naked body. The gym, the pool, the sauna and even Sunday afternoon soccer matches. The year of purple balls and near discovery had made me cautious. I _wanted_ to see Jasper naked, believe you me! But at some point I had to make logical choices.

"So what did _you_ do this weekend, Seth?" Jasper's question woke me up from my musing. I shrugged and stared into his deep bright blue eyes.

"Same old, watch a movie." _Porn. _"Play some games online." _Wank while watching porn. _"Listen to Edward cuss at his raid-members." _Making sure he doesn't come into my room during the wanking and watching porn. _"Nothing special..." _God, I'm pathetic!_

Jasper shakes his head and chuckles. "You seriously need a life, Seth. You know what? _This_ weekend I'm taking you out, I'll show you how to have fun! You and me, what do you say?"

"I don't know, Jasper, I know how those evenings end up. You'll be wrapped around a dozen girls and I'll be sitting at the bar French kissing my whiskey. No offense, but I think I'll decline."

"Aww Seth, what makes you think you won't be the one _wrapped around a dozen girls?" _Seriously? He had to ask?

I tried to stare him down and raised an eyebrow. "Years of experience and the fact that no girls will ever look at me when you're around." I replied.

"Seth, have you actually looked at yourself in a mirror lately? I'm not the reason girls won't look at you man, _you_ are. Not to piss you off, but I know what your body looks like when you aren't covering it up with baggy clothes. And that face of yours, get a razor and a haircut and there won't be a girl interested in _me_!"

He looked at me sternly. Was he fucking serious? I never considered myself to be attractive, could I be? Then again, even if I was attractive, I wouldn't be interested in girls. I only wanted Jasper and him I would never get.

"Alright, we're going shopping for clothes. We're going to take care of this... mess and make you pretty!"

"Jazz, you know I can't afford a new outfit; I need to work the entire summer to even stay in school."

He just slapped my arm dismissively. "You don't worry about that man, I got it. Consider it your birthday gift!" I really didn't like this idea. I didn't want to take any money from Jasper. His parents paid his tuition, but it wasn't like he was rich.

"Jazz, my birthday isn't for another 7 mo..." He put his finger against my lips to shut me up. I could barely hold in the moan rising deep from within my chest. My dick reminded me why I wore baggy jeans. Jasper grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the door.

Five long hours later, I stood in front of the mirror in Jasper's apartment. I couldn't believe what I saw. I was wearing dark low-rise jeans. The white shirt that clung to my torso showed off my abs and accented my russet skin. Over the shirt I was wearing a full-fashioned black leather jacket. Jasper had forced it on me, saying no self-respecting man could go without one. He had also tried to get me cowboy boots, but I won that one. On my feet were classy looking, ankle high, black leather boots.

On the floor lay bags of more shirts and jeans. I had tried to stop Jasper from buying them, but he insisted. He simply said, "Seth, my eyes can't handle that drudge look any longer and you can't wear the same thing every day!"

Clothes weren't the only drastic change in my appearance. My dark hair had been cut short; it no longer covered my hazel colored eyes. The unkempt beard had disappeared, leaving the hard lines of my jaw and cheekbones clearly visible. _I actually looked good! _

Jasper whistled as he watched me. "Do you believe me now? Or do you want to go out for a test?" I didn't really want to miss out on time with Jasper, but I had a paper due in two days.

"I would, but I really can't. School work. But we could go out Wednesday?"

"Cool, I can't wait to see the look on Jessica's face when she sees you like this!" Jasper smirked and I groaned. Jessica was the one girl I hated more than any other. She and Jasper weren't going out, they were just friends with benefits. Jessica was loud about it though. She never missed a chance of telling everyone how great Jasper was in bed.

I picked up my bags and headed for the door. "Right, so I'll text you about Wednesday night." I said as he opened the door for me. When I passed him he smacked my ass and I looked up in confusion.

"Girls will want to lick that ass of yours in those jeans!" The evil grin on his face made my jeans tighten up… of course the ass smacking hadn't helped either. _I wish __**you**__ would lick my ass. _A deep sigh left my mouth. "Try not to get ripped to shreds by a horde of horny women," he added with a wink. I had to leave, quickly!

Walking the short distance to the flat I shared with Edward, I noticed a few people turning their heads at me. Not just women, a couple of men as well. When I got home I rushed to my room without greeting my roommate. I was still hard and wanted to release some of the tension that had built up during the day.

I placed my laptop on my bed and sat down. A quick search on my favorite pay-site gave me what I wanted. I shed my clothes, pressed play and leaned back against the pillows. On my screen two naked men were rubbing their dicks together. One had messy dark hair, the other was blond. These guys were my favorites. The blond one, Troy, had strong muscles and a big straight cock. The dark haired boy, Harley, had a wonderful body, lean and toned.

He reminded me of Jasper, which was why I liked him so much. Their clips were always just the two of them and they always wore masks. I liked that. As long as I couldn't see their faces, I could pretend the boy _was_ Jasper.

I slowly stroked my length as Harley licked his way down Troy's chest. I got my bottle of lube from under my bed and slicked my hands. I stared intently at the screen while moving the palm of my hand over the thick head of my cock. I closed my eyes and moaned, imagining Jasper touching me. It felt so fucking good.

I opened my eyes and saw how Harley took the entire length of Troy's cock in his mouth. I pictured filling Jasper's mouth with my own dick and grasped it with my slickened hand. As Troy fucked the boy's face, I tugged faster and faster. I was desperate for release.

I let my other hand run down my abdomen, over my thighs and between my legs. When my fingers reached the puckered flesh between my ass cheeks, I slowly pressed one through my tight muscle. Harley had two fingers inside Troy's ass now, still sucking his huge cock. I pushed a second finger inside my own hole and pretended it was Jasper fingering me.

I grunted loudly as I felt my balls tighten, as saw Troy pulling his cock from Harley's mouth and shooting thick streaks of cum all over the boy's face. I jerked three more times and came with a gasp. I kept moving my hand up and down my cock slowly while I let the release take me over. Slowly, I pulled my fingers from my ass and closed my eyes. The clip was finished and I lay exhausted on my bed, unable to move.

When I finally came down from my orgasmic high, I made my way to my bathroom and took a quick shower. I still had a paper to write tonight.

**Wednesday**

Walking into the bar, I felt a dozen eyes on me. My old appearance let me slide to the background, unnoticed, unseen. Now I felt uneasy and self-conscious. Jessica darted to me and gave me a once over.

"Hey there sexy? You new here?" she asked in a hoarse voice. I blinked a few times; surely she knew it was me, right?

"Erm, hey Jessica. Have you seen Jasper yet?"

"Seth?" There was confusion in her eyes. Did she really not recognize me? "Seriously Seth, you clean up well! Jasper is in the back playing pool. My god, I can't believe it's you. Damn boy, I could just eat you!" She ran her manicured fingers down my chest and purred. She fucking purred!

"Yeah, erm, thanks, I guess." I said as I made my way to the back of the bar. Jessica followed me, giving my ass a squeeze when she caught up.

When I saw Jasper I couldn't help myself. I moaned quietly as I took in the sight of him leaned over the pool table to shoot. His tight black jeans stretched over his ass and I could see his muscles moving under the skin of his shoulders. He was wearing a black tank top, showing off his incredible body.

I swallowed hard and looked away. "So Jazz, I'm guessing you're right. Jess here didn't even recognize me when I came in."

I chuckled as Jasper's ball missed the pocket. "Jesus Seth, couldn't you give me a second to make this shot? You startled me!" He flashed me an angry look, which made me chuckle even louder.

Jessica ran her hand down my arm and smiled at me. Jasper winced. "Told you the women would be interested," he said while he turned his gaze back to the table.

I didn't want Jasper to think I was hitting on his girl, so I stepped away from her with a slight shake of my head. She pouted at me, but left us. "So Jazz, beer?" I asked and walked to the bar.

We drank beer and played some pool. I was having a lot of fun, despite the fact that the girls in the bar had no scruples and threw themselves at me and Jasper. I had been able to hold them off, until a slender woman came up to me and sat down on my lap. She leaned into me and whispered; "Wanna come with me and have a good time tonight?"

Before I could respond, a huge dude pulled her away. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? That's my girlfriend you asshole!" I just sat there, shocked, unable to respond.

When the guy came at me and lunged, Jasper caught his wrist and stood up. "If that's your girlfriend, she shouldn't be groping at other men!" he sneered. The guy pushed Jasper away, but before he could do anything else, he was grabbed by two other guys and rushed from the bar.

Jasper had fallen on the table, smashing our beer glasses. "God, Jazz, you ok?" I gasped. He groaned and rolled over. A large piece of glass was embedded in his shoulder. "Don't move, there's glass all over you, we need to get you to a doctor!" I shouted and signaled Jessica for help.

Jessica drove us to the emergency room where they removed the glass and stitched up the large gash in Jasper's shoulder. Afterwards, she dropped me off at my place and promised to take care of Jasper. I was sure she would, but I wanted to be the one taking care of him. Even though she was a really nice girl, I couldn't help hating her a little more.

"So, we'll go clubbing Saturday, right?" Jasper asked and I nodded. "Alright, I'll text you about it!" he called after me while I left the car.

Entering my apartment I could hear loud cursing coming from Edward's room. He was probably raiding again. I grabbed a soda from the fridge and made my way to my room, undressed and settled myself in bed with my laptop.

**Thursday**

I was making some pasta carbonara when my phone rang. I placed it between my ear and shoulder and resumed my cooking. "Hello."

"_Seth? This is Jessica, I was wondering, do you want to come over to my place tonight?" _

My phone slipped from my shoulder to the floor when I twisted my head in shock. I quickly picked it up and pressed it back against my ear.

"_Hello? Seth? Are you still there?"_

"Yeah, I'm here Jess, I just dropped my phone. You know, I really couldn't, Jasper is my best friend. I know you guys aren't really dating and all, but it doesn't feel right." _It wouldn't feel right if you weren't screwing my best friend actually, it would never feel right, you being a girl and all._

"_Oh, aren't you a good friend. It's just that, Jasper and I really have nothing going on between us." _She was quiet for a second. _"But you're right, he will NOT like me and you together. Well, a girl could try. Have a great evening, babe. Call me should you change your mind!"_

I put my phone back into my pocket and took a plate of pasta.

I wished I could go and do something with Jazz tonight, but Thursdays he had to work. He worked at some death metal bar till the early morning. No, tonight I would spend another pathetic lonely night with Troy and Harley.

**Friday**

_I'm so fucked! _I thought as I ran through the halls of the university. Class started 5 minutes ago and Mr. Deacon never let anyone in after the doors closed. My phone buzzed as I neared the corner that led to the lecture hall, and I checked the caller ID when I sped around the corner. As I ran into a firm body, my phone spun out of my hand and hit the far wall with a loud bang. The collision threw me back and I landed on my ass.

I looked up and opened my mouth to apologize, but stared right into Jasper's eyes. "Fuck Seth, you in a hurry?" he grinned at me widely. _Fucking dimples! _"You weren't here yet and I wasn't spending 2 hours in class without you, I'd be bored to death in the first 10 minutes. Why didn't you pick up the phone?"

"Well, let me think; I ran into you while trying and I think I killed it." I said dryly. We both glanced at the pieces of plastic that were once my phone. "Fuck! I can't afford a new fucking phone!"

"Don't you worry that pretty little head of yours!" Jasper said. "I'll get you a new one!"

"Jazz, you can't buy me a phone, it's not like you have much more money than I do," I told him.

"Let me worry about my financial state. That isn't your job, is it?" he challenged me, with a weird look on his face. I didn't get it; lately he was throwing money around like a fucking pimp! Where did he get it? Was he doing something criminal? Gambling? "Let's go, we'll pick you up some tech on our way to my apartment."

.

That night I sat at the kitchen table with my new phone in my hand. Jasper had insisted on getting me a brand new Iphone and spent the rest of the day filling the 64 gigabytes with music, silly games and other applications. It felt wrong, so wrong. I didn't know how he had the money, but I wasn't sure he got it legally.

I hadn't said anything, because I didn't want him to be angry at me. But I had been sitting at this table since he dropped me off at my place over an hour ago. I didn't care that I had next to no money. I'd work 60 hours a week over the summer if I had to; I would pay Jasper back the money for the phone _and _the clothes.

"Hey Seth, I'm off?" I looked up to see Edward standing in the hall with a suitcase in hand and his laptop bag flung over his shoulder. I looked at him questioningly. Edward barely left the house, only to get a new game card.

"Seriously, Seth, I wonder where your mind lives sometimes. I have a LAN party this weekend, I won't be back till Monday!" he said. I didn't even know what a LAN party was - something nerdy no question.

"Erm, bye!" I called as he walked out the door.

I was alone, on a Friday night, with nothing to do. _I guess I'll get myself a date with Troy and Harley then. _I thought and went to get my laptop. Since Edward wasn't going to be back the rest of the weekend, I put the laptop on the coffee table and settled down naked on our leather couch.

When I opened the website, I smiled. A new video by Troy and Harley had been uploaded. I clicked the link and sat back. The men were wearing the same masks but this video was shot in some sort of warehouse. It didn't take long for them to get naked and Troy got to his knees to suck Harley. I watched as the perfectly straight long cock disappeared into Troy's mouth. Over and over again he took him in to the base, and it looked so damn hot.

I stroked my cock, which was already leaking, and knew I wouldn't need much tonight. As Troy pushed Harley back against a stack of pallets and lay him on top of it, I quickly lubed my hand and rubbed it up and down my length. Troy started fingering Harley's hole, first with one finger, but soon he had three fingers buried deep within Harley's ass. I was close, so fucking close, and I jerked my cock harder and faster.

Troy flipped Harley over and as the shock of a lifetime overwhelmed me, I came all over my chest. I was panting as my orgasm dissipated from my body. _Fucking hell, it can't be! _But there it was, undeniable. On Harley's left shoulder was a long gash, perfectly stitched up by a capable doctor.

I pressed pause and looked closer. _I can't believe I didn't notice before! _There was a small birthmark next to Harley's navel. Or should I say Jasper's navel. I had seen it many times before on my friend at the pool. So that's where he got the extra money… he was doing porn! I couldn't believe it, not really, not until I talked to him.

I picked up my new phone and sent him a text;

**Need to talk to you, get your ass over here now! Seth.**

I rushed to my bathroom and took a quick shower. Afterwards, I put some clothes on; a pair of faded jeans Jasper got me and a black tank top. Heading back to the living room with wet hair and bare feet, I quickly picked up the lube and the towel I used to clean myself, throwing them on my bed from the doorway. I checked my phone and saw I had a return text.

**WTF Seth? OMW! U better B dying! J.**

I got myself a beer from the fridge and sat back down on the couch, my foot frantically tapping the floor. Thankfully, I didn't have to wait long; the doorbell rang exactly 20 minutes after I send him the text. I closed the laptop and made my way to the door.

When I opened it, Jasper walked right in. I followed him to the kitchen, where he grabbed a beer and turned around. "Seth, I'm here, I got beer, tell me what's on your mind!" He eyed me from head to feet.

I gestured towards the living room. "I'd rather sit down over there and discuss this." I backed into the living room and sat down on the couch. Jasper sat down in a chair across from me with a worried look on his face.

"Jesus, Seth, you're scaring me now. Will ya tell me what this is about?" I didn't have a clue on how to have this conversation. _So, Jasper, do you do porn? Yeah right, not very likely! _I opened my laptop and pressed play. "You care to explain this to me?" I asked him, turning the laptop to face him.

I watched his face go pale when he saw himself on the screen, getting fucked by Troy. He reached out and snapped the laptop shut. Jasper didn't say anything and stared at my bare feet. "Jasper! Fuck, Jasper?" His eyes finally met mine and he looked scared. "So that _is_ you?" I asked and he nodded.

He fumbled with the hem of his shirt when he started speaking. "I really didn't think anyone would ever find out. It's not like any of my friends would ever watch gay porn." He was quiet for a second before the look in his eyes changed from fright to confusion. "Hang on, why _were_ you watching gay porn?"

_Fuck, I could have seen that one coming. I should have seen that one coming. It's not like I could say I hadn't watched it. _"I erm, I... I-I erm..." I staggered. "We weren't talking about me!" I shouted. "Does this mean you're bisexual? Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"

"Oh, hell to the no! You don't get to ask me questions about this, if you won't answer any one of mine!"

He was right, obviously, I just didn't know how to answer that question. It would get too close to telling him I loved him. I needed to tell him I was gay though, I should have told him years ago.

"Alright, I'll answer your question. I was watching it, because that's what I do, what I have been doing alone in my room this last year. I was jerking off to gay porn, because I am gay." I closely watched his face for his reaction. His eyes widened and he opened his mouth, only to close it again right away. "I didn't tell you I was gay, because I didn't want you to stop being my friend. I di..." Jasper interrupted me.

"Of course I would still be your friend! You idiot! Even if I hadn't been gay myself!" He stood up, raised his hand to his forehead and started pacing. "And I'm not bisexual, I'm not into girls _at all._"

"You could have fooled me," I muttered under my breath.

"Oh, right, Jasper the great womanizer. That's just talk! If Jessica fucked me, every girl on campus would want to fuck me. If they couldn't, they would just say they did anyway. In truth, I never fucked Jessica. She came up with the story to help me," he sighed deeply. "I just wasn't ready to out myself. I was scared you would run away screaming if I had told you that..." He stopped in the middle of his sentence.

"If you had told me what, Jazz?" I asked, but he didn't respond. Instead he turned to the window and gazed outside. "If you had told me what? For fuck's sake Jazz! Could you at least look at me?" I was getting frustrated - he was shutting me out!

He didn't look at me, but he did answer my question. "If I had told you I only came into the diner to see you. To get up the courage to talk to you and ask you out. But I didn't, I waited till orientation." He finally turned to face me, his eyes filled with hurt. I couldn't move, his words had me frozen in place. I had to hear what he was going to say next. "I've been in love with you for 5 long years, Seth. I don't know how to deal with it. Now you've seen that," he pointed at the laptop. "If you tell me to leave, I will. If you tell me to never come near you again, I won't."

He sat back down into his chair. He had one hand in his hair; the other one was clutching his leg, his gaze fixed on the ground. I just wanted to kick something, to throw something, to break something! I stood up and kicked the wall, cursing loudly. "Fucking fuckery of a lifetime! Fuck!" I screamed. I heard Jasper gasp, but I really didn't care right now.

I had been wasting _years_ of my life, loving Jasper from the sidelines. "Fucking hell!" I shouted as I kicked the wall once more.

"I guess I'll leave then." I heard Jasper say, almost a whisper. I spun around and rushed over in two quick steps, grabbing his shoulders and looking deep into his eyes. I could see hurt, the hurt I had felt for the last five years. They had been five fucking long years and it had all been for nothing. All that hurt, unnecessary.

I needed to let him know I wasn't angry with him. How could I be, I loved him! "No, no no no! You aren't going anywhere! I'm not angry with you, I'm angry at this whole god damned mess!" He seemed confused by my words and I let go of his shoulders. "Fuck, I'm saying this all wrong!" I said, pulling back slightly. His face fell and his lashes touched his cheeks. I quickly cupped his face with my hands and pulled it close to mine. "I've been in love with you since the first time I saw you in that diner! I just can't believe we've wasted all this time," I whispered and I kissed him.

As soon as my lips touched his, heat rose from deep within my abdomen, fueling my heart into take-off. His lips were soft and rough at the same time. His hands came up to my chest and for a second I was afraid he was going to push me away, but he grabbed my shirt and pulled me closer. He parted his lips and licked my bottom lip. I moaned and opened my mouth to give him entrance.

His hands were now under my shirt, sliding them over my abs, nails scraping my skin. The teasing pain sent shivers down my spine. With a growl, I pulled him back towards the couch, sitting down as he straddled me. My hands reached for his hair, taking the strands in between my fingers and tugging lightly. He ground his hips against mine, causing heavenly friction on my hard cock.

At some point I would have to come up for air, but as long as I didn't pass out, I wouldn't stop kissing him. I heard the sound of ripping fabric and felt Jasper's warm hands roaming my chest. His lips left my mouth and I missed them immediately. He kissed my jaw, trailing down over my throat to my now naked chest.

As I looked down on him licking my nipple, my stomach turned. It felt wrong, all wrong. I closed my eyes, but couldn't escape the vision of Jasper with Troy's giant dick in his mouth. My eyes shot back open, trying to concentrate on the here and now. Concentrate on the love of my life, who was here in my arms, kissing me, kissing my body. But I couldn't - I kept seeing the scenes I had jerked off to the last couple of months. I could feel my dick softening inside my jeans.

"Stop, Jasper, stop!" I said, instantly regretting my words. Jasper looked up at me with confusion in his eyes. I didn't want the porn to bug me; I didn't want the fact that he fucked men for a living to bother me. Actually it didn't, what bothered me was that he fucked Troy for a living. I didn't have a problem with people seeing him fuck online, I had trouble with him fucking anyone other than me.

Jasper pulled back his head, still sitting in my lap. "What's wrong? I thought..." He stopped talking when he followed my gaze. I couldn't help but look at the wretched laptop. "Oh," he whispered and stood up. I didn't want him to get up. "I'm sorry, Seth, I shouldn't have jumped you like this. You have every right to be disgusted by me, by what I do," he said in a defeated tone. I quickly stood up.

"No, no Jazz, look at me," I said, while I forced his chin up with one finger to make him look into my eyes. "I don't care about the porn. I just can't be with you if you fuck other guys, if you continue to fuck that Troy dude. I'm not big with the sharing." I took his hand and pulled him back down beside me on the couch.

"I don't know, Seth. I don't mind stopping my movies with Emmett, I mean Troy. He's been pushing me for threesomes and more hardcore stuff and I'm not doing that on video. But I don't know if I could stop doing porn. The idea of people watching me fuck, it kind of gets me off, you know? It's not just the bucket loads of money. You must think I'm psycho. Do you?" His stare was directed at my feet again.

"I don't think you're psycho, but I don't think I can handle you fucking anyone but me if we were together, I'm sorry." A lump was forming in my throat, my heart beat painfully in my chest. Somehow I was even masochistic about trying not to be masochistic. My mind was going 80 miles per hour. What would I rather have; part of Jasper, or no Jasper at all? _Who am I fucking kidding, I can try at least. No, I can't, it would be the thing that finally breaks me._

"Could you try to..." He stopped mid-sentence when he saw me shaking my head. "I mean, we could try doing it together, just the two of us?" My head stopped shaking and I looked deep into his blue eyes. "You told me you might not be able to afford next year. It really is good money. We could just make a video and you could decide if it was something you could do." The roller coaster came to a full stop inside my head. I pictured the movie I saw earlier, only now with me instead of Troy. I could feel myself get hard again.

Jasper noticed this and shot me a wicked grin. "Any chance that that is an indication of your answer?" I chuckled and pulled him closer. I let my tongue slide over his bottom lip, grabbing his hips with both of my hands.

"I think it is." I said with a smile on my face. I kissed him chastely, but quickly pulled back with a serious face. "I can't guarantee that reality does for me what the thought of it does, but I'll try." I said.

Jasper bit his bottom lip, making me moan quietly. "You are important to me. Seth. If it doesn't work, I'll stop, I'll stop for you." He slightly shifted his weight, grinding his cock against mine. I pulled his head back to mine and kissed him hard, flipping him so that he was laying on the couch on his back, and pressed my full body against his.

He crossed his legs behind my hip and started to buck up at me frantically. It felt so fucking good, but I didn't want to jizz in my jeans like some hormonal teenager. I lifted myself and kneeled between his legs, undoing my fly and unbuckling his belt. I slid my jeans down my legs, standing up and kicking them off. I didn't put on any underwear after my shower and Jasper growled when he noticed.

He quickly took off his boots, jeans and shirt. I just stood there for a moment, admiring his wonderful body. I'd seen him naked before, both on my laptop and in real life. But I had never really seen him, never had the opportunity to stare at him unhindered. He was well toned and fully tanned - even his groin and ass. _Hmmm, his ass, I'd like to sink my teeth into those cheeks!_

"As much as I love you staring at me like that, I'd much rather have you touch me," Jasper said and reached for my hand. I took his in mine and led him to my bedroom. I would love to fuck him everywhere, but only the bed would do for our first time.

In my room, he grabbed my ass with one hand and put the other against my back. He lifted me and I wrapped my legs around his waist. Moaning as his tongue invaded my mouth, he pushed me up against the wall. The hand on my back trailed down and he took hold of my thigh. I didn't think it possible, but I got even harder as I felt his cock against my ass.

I threw my head back as his lips placed kisses down my jaw and neck. When he reached my shoulder, he bit down hard and sucked at my sensitive skin. It was definitely going to leave a mark, but I didn't care. Fuck, it turned me on even more, like he claimed me as his own.

He shifted his weight to lift the hand on my ass to his mouth and lick his fingers. That looked so fucking sexy, I thought I might faint. He lowered his hand over my body. On the way down he flicked my nipple, sending a shiver down my spine. Back on my ass, his hand explored the crevice between my cheeks. I panted as his fingers trailed over the puckered flesh. He teased, rubbed and slightly pushed.

He bit my nipple and I silenced the groan coming up from my chest in his hair. I was holding on to his back and shoulder for dear life. I had sex before, but only in back rooms, and never ever like this. Never with someone I loved.

His finger finally entered me and I felt a slight burn as his finger passed the tight second ring of muscle. I gasped and Jasper raised his head to look at me. The question in his eyes was clear; he wanted to know I was okay. I nodded and pushed my ass down on his finger with the little maneuverability I had. His eyes turned dark and he started sliding his finger in and out of me as his mouth took possession of mine again.

I was hissing and moaning loudly. I had never let go like this and felt a little shameful of my obvious ecstasy. When I felt and heard Jasper's response to me, I pushed the shame back. _Life doesn't get any better than this!_ I thought, but I was wrong. Boy, was I wrong.

I nearly came when a second finger entered my ass. "God, Jazz! Oh god!" I panted and hid my face in the crook of his neck. "I want you, I_ need_ you to fill me, please, Jazz!" I begged as Jasper moaned and bit my earlobe.

"Condom," he choked out, pulling his fingers from my ass and letting me down. I pushed him back until the back of his knees hit the bed and he fell down. Grabbing a condom from the nightstand, I straddled his legs. I ripped open the foil and rolled the condom down his rock hard length. The lube was still on the bed and I coated my hands with it.

With one hand I slicked my entrance, while the other simultaneously covered his cock with lube. I slid up his body and kissed him with all I had. With one hand on his chest, I guided his cock to my entrance. I lowered myself down on him slowly, giving myself time to adjust to the stretch. "God, Seth, you are so fucking tight!" he groaned.

When he was all the way inside me, heat spread out from my groin, making my back arch as it traveled up to my neck. I groaned and my ass clenched around Jasper's cock. I heard him moan, and his eyes were closed and his mouth was slightly opened. He looked so hot that way.

The sight spurred me on and I started riding his cock. Both my hands were on his chest, rolling his nipples between my fingers. He grabbed my hips and pressed his fingers into my skin. "Seth, fuck! I'm not going to last!" he shouted. I wanted to come together with him, so I grabbed my own cock and pumped it in rhythm with my moving hips.

The sounds coming from the both of us got louder and rougher. His hands lifted my ass and held it steady as he thrust his cock deep and hard in my ass. I pumped my cock more frantically as I rested one hand on his knee and leaned back. The change in angle caused his cock to hit my prostate with every thrust and I was gone. I came hard all over my stomach and chest.

Only moments later, I heard Jasper grunt and felt his dick pulse deep inside my ass as he came. His hands moved up from my hips to my chest as I tried to catch my breath, still leaning back. He took my arm and pulled me against him. He was still inside me when I rested my head against his shoulder and kissed his neck.

"I love you," he whispered in my hair as he slid his arms around me and caressed my back. I was spent, but a new energy coursed through my veins. I hummed contently against his neck, knowing I was exactly where I wanted to be.

"I love you, too."

**3 months later**

Riley closed the door behind him and locked it. What he was about to do was not something he'd want his mother to walk in on. Luckily his mother never checked his bank records. If she knew he was using his money to pay for gay porn websites, she'd freak!

He clicked his way to his favorite site and smiled. Yes! Harley and Dale had a new video. He had felt disappointed when Harley stopped making videos with Troy, but Dale more than made up for it!

* * *

><p>I hope you liked it! Let me know! :D<p> 


End file.
